Under the Influence
by Takato.Hiroshima-1993
Summary: Crossover with Sg-1. Rodney finds a new device and puts it in his pocket. Next thing he knows, he's on the table belting it out. Follow the adventures of our favorite explorers as they try to stop all the random singing! Co-written with LordChaos666.
1. Guilty Beauty Love

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.**

**Disclaimer: NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Vic Mignoga.**

**Song: Guilty Beauty Love by: Vic Mignoga (We'll even give you a link for the song! /watch?v=CxVZDyX2KZo (add the www. youtube .com (without the spaces!))****) I swear it's fanfics fault that that it is so difficult.**

**Victim: ****Rodney McKay**

**Chapter one**

"McKay, are you done with that diagnostic yet?" Carter asked as she stormed into the lab on Atlantis. Sg-1, General O'Neill, and Bra'tac had all come to Atlantis to partake in a new experiment. Unfortunately the experiment had been a bust, so Carter and McKay had taken to examining a new device found on P3X-284.

"Not yet, but it would go a lot faster if you would stop barging in here every five minutes." Rodney answered, looking up from the device. The device was tall, about three feet, and had a firm base with a slender tube rising out of it. In several different spots along the main tube, smaller tubes branched off and wound themselves around each other. Each small tube was also a different color. The resulting look was a bunch of color lines in a big ball.

"Sorry McKay, it's just that I have nothing to do. We didn't get any useful information from our experiment on universe-jumping, and General O'Neill is reluctant to give us permission to try the experiment again."

"Oh, I wonder why? Maybe it has to do with half the lab being sucked into the resulting vortex?" Rodney answered sarcastically. "Unlike you guys on Earth, building materials are not so readily available to us, so it's a big pain when we have to rebuild entire labs."

"I already said I was sorry McKay. Come on, take a break, let's go get something to eat." Carter offered, leaning on the desk in front of Rodney. Said scientist sighed.

"Why not, I'm not learning anything new anyway."

"Great, I'll meet you there." With a little hop, Carter made her way out of the lab. McKay grumbled under his breath and bent back over the device. He fiddled with some exposed wires for a moment and with a small spark a hidden compartment at the base of the device opened up.

McKay hmm'd to himself before the opening the compartment even more. A small tray slid out, and in the middle of the tray was a stone. The stone was black, with engravings around the middle, and small enough that it could fit in the palm of Rodney's hand.

"Rodney, what's taking so long?" John asked, coming into the lab. "Carter told us you were on your way, and that was five minutes ago."

"What, oh sorry, I got caught up in this device." Rodney answered, slipping the stone into his pocket; he would examine it in detail later. "What's in the mess today anyway?"

"Sauerkraut," John answered with a grimace as he led McKay down to the mess.

**~ Stargaze Atlantis ~**

"Are ye okay Rodney?" Beckett asked concernedly as he looked at his friend across the table. Rodney was leaning on his elbows, massaging his temples, his food uneaten, while the rest of their crowded table talked loudly.

"Just a headache," Rodney answered. John stopped talking and looked over at his friend.

"Do you want something for it?" Beckett asked. Rodney shook his head, making Sheppard nervous.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, it's just a headache." Rodney answered tersely. Teyla reached over and placed her hand on his forehead.

"You do not seem feverish." Rodney brushed her hand away.

"Of course I don't, just drop-"Rodney paused in the middle of his sentence. His body felt numb, his mind went blank. Suddenly he stood up, and music began to play from an unidentifiable source.

"_What a crime, such a beautiful crime, that God would make a star as bright as I."_ Rodney sang a smile on his face_. "And I know it's a disgrace to admire this perfect face reflected in your eyes; So, it's right that I suffer tonight all the pain of all the passion inside, But my heart cannot deny what I'm feeling inside that makes me long for you. Guilty Beauty Love." _Rodney climbed on top of the table, and continued singing, even dancing a little. All the while, a smile was on his face.

"_Take my hand. Take the key. You can open the door. Take a step. Take a chance. Now you'll _

_find there's so much more._

_There's a world you've dreamed of, and, if you'll allow, let me escort you there._

_I kneel before you, kiss your hand to tell you I'm a lucky guy._

_Look back, and know that I can heal your tired heart._

_What a crime, such a breath-taking crime, everything I touch can't help but fall in love._

_In this cruel romantic game, there's no way that you're to blame for your stolen heart._

_So, I'll say that the price I must pay is to offer up my heart forever;_

_Just don't take away your touch 'cause it means so much to feel your hand in mine._

_Guilty Beauty Love_

_In the sky, you and I are floating in space, I, the moon, you, the sun, locked in beautiful embrace;_

_Heavenly bodies come together so blindingly bright they chase away the night._

_What I bring you I hope delights you, a bouquet of passion cutie lady;_

_Be sure that here with me, you'll always save the day."_

Meanwhile, everyone else couldn't believe what they were seeing. Here was Rodney McKay, sourpuss McKay,' I'm the smartest man in two galaxies' McKay, standing on top of a table, singing.

"_What a crime, such a wonderful crime, that God would choose to make such lips as mine._

_It was wrong but all the same, I invited, and you came into this dream with me._

_So, my price is to gaze in your eyes and to feel more love than I can contain;_

_Even so, it's fair to say I still found a way to cast my spell on you._

_Guilty Beauty Heart."_

Finally McKay finished, stopping in a pose with his arms outstretched, his legs spread apart, and a smile so large his mouth threatened to break. No one said anything; there really was nothing to say. After a moment though, John started to clap, and soon the whole room was clapping and whistling.

McKay blinked, stood up straight, and his smile fell to be replaced with pure terror. He allowed Ronon to help him down off the table, not noticing that the stone fell out of his pocket.

"Um, what did I just do?" McKay asked nervously.

"A very impressive improvisation," O'Neill answered, raising his glass. "I never knew you had it in you."

"Neither did I, Carson, I think I might need those drugs now." Carson grinned and shook his head.

"MRI first," he joked, the whole table started laughing.

"Oh crap guys, we have a board meeting we're supposed to be in right now." Daniel announced. Everyone hurriedly picked up their trays and walked out. Vala stayed a moment longer, the black stone catching her attention. Looking around, she quickly picked it up and slipped it into her blouse, wondering how much she could sell it for.

* * *

**Author's Note: ****Heh heh heh, next up, Vala. Any guesses as to what _she'll_ sing? Till next time!**


	2. I'm Too Sexy

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.**

**Disclaimer: NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Right Said Fred.**

**Song: I'm Too Sexy by: Right Said Fred (We'll even give you a link for the song! /watch?v=kwk6STffyaQ(add the www. youtube .com (without the spaces!))****) I swear it's fanfics fault that that it is so difficult.**

**Victim: Vala Maldaran**

**Chapter Two**

"So can you please tell me what this new device is you're working on?" Mr. Woolsey asked as a representative of the IOA. "After all, you're last experiment didn't end very well."

"This time, Mr. Woolsey, we are examining a new device recently found on P3X-284." Carter explained. "Based on our preliminary diagnostics, it's emits some kind of radiation that affects the brain chemistry."

"Would that account for Dr. McKay's concert earlier?" Woolsey asked, gesturing over at McKay who was hunched over. Carter nodded.

"It's definitely possible, but we won't know anything until further testing."

"Who cares about testing?" Vala questioned, spinning around in her chair. "I rather liked McKay's impulsiveness, who knew he could sing so well?" Vala cringed a little as she put a hand to her temple.

"Are you okay Vala?" Carter asked her friend across the room from the other side of the horseshoe.

"Huh, oh yeah, just a small headache, it'll pass-" Just like with Rodney, Vala's mind and body suddenly went numb, and music started to play as she stood up and walked slowly around the room, singing.

"_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me_

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk."

Vala walked until she was in front of Daniel, a seductive smile on her face. She sat in his lap, and proceeded to dance. Daniel was too shocked to do anything, and the whole room was still too surprised, and intrigued in some cases, to do anything.

"_I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that_

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song."

Vala stopped singing, and just looked down at Daniel. "Well, that was fun. Shall we continue this someplace else?"

"No! Vala, what did you do?" Daniel immediately asked. Vala shrugged.

"All I did was pick up this little stone of the floor in the mess hall." Vala dug out the stone and held it up. Daniel snatched it away, and then wordlessly shoved Vala off is lap.

"Sam, I think we need to do an analysis on this stone immed-"

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" Chuck called out on the intercom, interrupting Daniel. Daniel sighed, sent one last glare towards Vala, and left with the others.

* * *

**Author's Notes: ****Now Daniel has the stone, do you think has really put this mystery together?**


	3. Numa Numa

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day. (P.S. LordChaos was sole writer on this one.)**

**Disclaimer: NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to O-Zone.**

**Song: Dragostea Din Tei by: O-Zone (We'll even give you a link for the song! /watch?v=jRx5PrAlUdY(add the www. youtube .com (without the spaces!))****) I swear it's fanfics fault that that it is so difficult.**

**Victim: Daniel Jackson**

**Chapter Three**

Daniel Jackson sighed yet again as he found himself 'mysteriously' lost on his way to the gate room. It wasn't really a surprise, considering that he had only visited Atlantis a couple of times before, and he never actually got a guided tour…

"Hey! Jackson!"

Daniel jumped a little and turned to see Ronon Dex leaning in a doorway.

"What're you doing?" Ronon asked a blank look always on his face. "Shouldn't you be in the gate room?"

"I got…" Daniel mumbled, shuffling his feet a little. Why was it always him who got picked on or lost somewhere? "Lost,"

Ronon stared at him a few more moments before laughing a little. Just a _little_ bit. "Follow me." He said gruffly, jerking his head the _opposite_ direction that Daniel was traveling earlier.

Daniel let out an exasperated breath as he turned around, but not soon after that, he felt a sharp pain in his head near his temples. He stopped, not noticing Ronon turn to stare at him in a funny way as he rubbed his temples.

"Hey, don't go McKay on me." The Satedan said, sighing a little.

From this moment on, utter CHAOS erupted around the two of them as a familiar song started playing in the background. That was when Jackson started pumping his pelvis in a weird kind of dance.

_**Ma-ia-hii  
Ma-ia-huu  
Ma-ia-hoo  
Ma-ia-haha**_

Ronon slapped his hand to his head as he leaned against the wall. He had never expected this 'mouse-like' bookworm to dance….let alone that type of mating ritual dance that he was pretty sure was copyrighted to the Wraith….

_**Ma-ia-hii  
Ma-ia-huu  
Ma-ia-hoo  
Ma-ia-haha**_

_**Ma-ia-hii  
Ma-ia-huu  
Ma-ia-hoo  
Ma-ia-haha**_

_**Ma-ia-hii  
Ma-ia-huu  
Ma-ia-hoo  
Ma-ia-haha**_

_**Alo, Salut, sunt eu, un haiduc,  
Si te rog, iubirea mea, primeste fericirea.**__**Hello, Hello, It's me, Picasso  
I will paint, My words of love, with your name on every wall.**_

Now, god forbid, Daniel was dancing in twirls, his SG-1 jacked tied around his head in some sort of hatlike thing…

_**When you leave my colors fade to gray  
Ooh a Ooh ah ay, Ooh ah Ooh a Ooh ah ay  
Every word of love I use to say.  
Now I paint them everyday.**_

_**When you leave my colors fade to gray  
Hey little lover stay, or all my colors fade away  
Every word of love I use to say.  
Now I paint them everyday.**_

Ronon found it hard to look away from the hilarious scene, but, however, he was beginning to feel his eyes burn from their sockets…especially now since Jackson had mixed together tribal dancing and some sort of robot dancing…alas, the singing went on.

_**Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,  
Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.  
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,  
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai.**_

_**Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,  
Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.  
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,  
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai.**_

_**When you leave my colors fade to gray  
Ooh a Ooh ah ay, Ooh ah Ooh a Ooh ah ay  
Every word of love I use to say.  
Now I paint them everyday.  
When you leave my colors fade to gray  
Hey little lover stay, or all my colors fade away  
Every word of love I use to say.  
Now I paint them everyday.**_

Unable to take this…_torture_ anymore, Ronon decided to stop Daniel's madness.

"Come here." He growled, pulling Daniel from the corner of the wall as the archeologist attempted to climb the wall like a cat…

But as he pulled Daniel from the wall, he saw some weird black stone fall from his pocket. Letting go of him, Ronon bent over and picked it up.

"Hmm." He murmured, twirling it in his hand, unaware that the singing had thankfully stopped. 'I guess I can give this to Teyla. She'll like it.' He thought to himself, moving towards the gate room before pausing.

"But first, something to eat. I'm hungry."

* * *

**Author's Note: ****Poor Jackson! I hope he can find his way to the gate room alright. Now Ronon has the stone, I'm afraid. Oh, and by the way, if you read this, please review. Just you reading it and not saying anything isn't really telling us if it's any good or not. If there's a problem with the story, please tell us so that we can correct it. Thank you!**


	4. Eat It

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.**

**Disclaimer: NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Weird Al Yankovic.**

**Song: Eat It by Weird Al Yankovic (We'll even give you a link for the song! /watch?v=383iLJXMK7Q(add the www. youtube .com (without the spaces!))****) I swear it's fanfics fault that that it is so difficult.**

**Victim: Ronon Dex**

**Chapter Four**

John Sheppard walked down the hall towards the mess hall. Their unexpected guest had been their friendly Wraith ally Todd, covered in mud. After Beckett had checked him out and had given the mud a clean bill of health, and Daniel had arrived late, everyone went their separate ways; Todd to shower, John to eat, and Daniel to do whatever bookworms did.

Now hungry, John walked into the mess, only to be stopped by the sound of blaring music. The occupants of the room were all staring warily towards the kitchen while one of the cooks made their way towards the Colonel.

"Thank God you're here Colonel." The cook said breathlessly as he motioned for John to follow him. "We don't know what happened. One minute we're showing him a new Earth dish, and the next he has a headache. Before we knew what was happening, he was singing and climbing on our counters to dance." The cook was quite distressed.

"Wait, who's doing this?" John didn't think he wanted to know who the latest victim of 'random dancing and singing' syndrome was. The cook sighed and opened the door, allowing John to see inside the kitchen.

"Ronon," The cook answered with a sigh. The big Satedan was indeed standing on the counters, singing, using a wooden spoon as his microphone. As he danced, he jumped from counter to counter, sometimes coming down to the floor to dance with the scared cooks.

"_How come you're always such a fussy young man  
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raison Bran  
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan  
So eat it, just eat it_

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate  
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate  
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate  
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
Get yourself an egg and beat it  
Have some more chicken, have some more pie  
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried  
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it  
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh"

Ronon spotted Sheppard and immediately sucked him into the dance, picking up random food items and throwing them into the air. A cupcake landed in his hair because of this.

"_Your table manners are some cryin' shame  
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game  
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame  
So eat it, just eat it_

You better listen, better do what you're told  
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole  
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold  
So eat it

I don't care if you're full  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
Open up your mouth and feed it  
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam  
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or canned  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
Don't you make me repeat it  
Have a banana, have a whole bunch  
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

_Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it  
Have a big dinner, have a light snack  
If you don't like it, you can't send it back  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it  
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)  
Have some more chicken, have some more pie  
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried  
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it"_

As the last verse was belted out, the small black stone that was the source of everyone's problems fell down on a counter next to Ronon's discarded gun as the big man jumped onto the floor. He stood there for a moment as realization as to what he'd just done came back to him. Nobody moved, nobody spoke, no one even breathed as they waited for who would make the first move. Finally, Sheppard scratched his head.

"Todd just came through the Stargate and he says he has some new information for us." Sheppard said calmly, as if he didn't just see his big friend sing Weird Al Yankovic. He briefly wondered how the alien even knew the song. "Want to come talk to him with me?"

"Sure," Ronon answered evenly, popping his neck and rolling back his shoulders. He grabbed his gun off the counter, twirled it twice, and replaced it smoothly, grinning as he did so. Sheppard wrinkled his nose at him. As Ronon walked past him towards the door, John noticed that he'd left something behind.

"Hey, did you forget your stone?" Sheppard asked as he rolled the black stone between his fingers, examining the engravings on it.

"Nope, Daniel dropped it, thought Teyla might like it." Ronon answered simply with a shrug.

"Really, and you say that Daniel had it?"

"Yep, I think it's the same one that he took away from Vala." Ronon added as he saw John's face light up.

"That's right, and she said she'd picked it up off the mess hall floor after Rodney's singing this morning."

"Do you think that stone has anything to do with all the strangeness around here?" Ronon asked, purposely not saying what the strangeness was. John nodded.

"I think Carter and McKay should see this." John pocketed the stone. "Why don't you go shower and get that cupcake out of your hair while I go and see Todd. We can meet up later and see the good doctors." Ronon nodded and left, digging some of the cupcake out as he left. John followed and went to go see the only Wraith they could really call an ally, on a good day.


	5. I'm Bringing Sexy Back

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: ****Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.**

**Disclaimer: ****NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Justin Timberlake. Also, forewarning, this will be slight slash, but nothing terrible. Must not go into description…**

**Song:**** Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back (Here's the link for the song http:// www. youtube. com/watch?v=NrlGc5wvtww) Don't forget to eliminate the spaces!**

**Written by:**** LordChaos666 – Story compiled between two friends….kehehehe, and yes, I am creepy**

**Victim: Wait for it….John Shepherd!**

**Chapter Five**

John sighed in frustration as he made his way to the public baths of Atlantis. Most rooms had their own showers and/or baths, but some of the…_visitors_ (aka Wraith) were sent to the public baths; hence Colonel John Sheppherd having to stop for directions. It was okay though. He got the information quickly, and was able to find his way to the semi-private bath houses.

Staring at the door, he felt a sudden dread wash over him…along with a strange headache in the making. Ignoring his nausea, he forced the door open…only to find a naked wraith standing there staring at him.

But that's when John felt the urge…the urge to sing that is. Seeing Todd's clothes on the ground, he grinned as he picked them up, walked over to the sink, and soaked them in steaming hot water.

_**I'm bringing sexy back  
Them other boys don't know how to act  
I think you're special, what's behind your back?  
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.**_

Take 'em to the bridge

The Colonel then suddenly jumped a circle around Todd and lashed out with the clothing, striking the wraith in the butt. That must've been when the Colonel dropped the black stone. Todd, ignoring John with a slight pinkish tint to his cheeks, bent down and picked it up.

_**Dirty babe  
You see the shackles  
Baby I'm your slave  
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave  
It's just that no one makes me feel this way**_

Take 'em to the chorus

Sheppherd then started to dance in some sort of wraith mating dance (sound like anyone we know?) and threw the wraith's clothing to the ground.

_**Come here girl  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Come to the back  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
VIP  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Drinks on me  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Let me see what you're twerking with  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Look at those hips  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
You make me smile  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Go ahead child  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
And get your sexy on  
Go ahead, be gone with it**_

Get your sexy on  
Go ahead, be gone with it

"Sheppherd." Todd growled a little, his mind unregistering the feeling of a type of retro virus effect, turning him human. Greenish skin turned a pale tan, the little stubble thing disappearing, and his "claws" retracting to human fingernails. He looked totally human, and the only thing that stayed was the tattoo above his eye.

John, ignoring the now human wraith, began to dance even more…

_**I'm bringing sexy back  
Them other fuckers don't know how to act  
Come let me make up for the things you lack  
'Cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast**_

Take 'em to the bridge

_**Dirty babe  
You see the shackles  
Baby I'm your slave  
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave  
It's just that no one makes me feel this way**_

Take 'em to the chorus

Unable to stay quiet while John went through 60 extra verses, Todd shouted at John. "JOHN SHEPPHERD!!!" Smoothing his untangled hair, he almost prayed when the music ended. "I know what this stone is!"

John relaxed a little as he felt himself lower to the ground a little. "Um, what did I…" He blushed a little and turned away from Todd…wait a minute… "You're HUMAN!" He exclaimed, eyes returning to Todd, only to turn away yet again. "Umm…" He muttered softly. "Put some clothes on."

The wraith/human growled a little, pointedly staring at his ruined clothing. "That will be impossible Sheppherd."

John blushed a little before turning away, staring at his own jacket.

"That's beside the point." Todd said, unabashed. "I know what this stone does."

**Author's Note: I kinda feel sorry for John. He had to see a naked wraith, sing in front of that wraith, and ruin said wraith's clothing. I wonder what's gonna happen next…well, you can find out next Chapter. LordChaos666(me) will write that one as well. Also,, in forwarning, these are slight shonen-ai (slight slash), but I've been sworn not to go to description, so, yeah.**


	6. Whataya Want From Me

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Notes: ****Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day. (P.S. LordChaos was sole writer on this one.)**

**Disclaimer: ****NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Adam Lambert.**

**Song: ****Adam Lambert's Whataya Want From Me (link: erase spaces: http:// www. youtube .com /watch?v=W_-x7zfwVnw&feature=related**

**Victim: Todd** **(No last name.......how about Hoover?)**

**Chapter Six**

"I know what this stone does." Todd said, unabashed of his nakedness. He lazily leaned against the wall, tossing the stone up in the air, only to realize that he shouldn't have held it for such a long time.

Sheppherd stood waiting for Todd's next words, only to find music blaring in the background…again. Todd's eyes grew a little pained as he held John's for a couple moments longer before breaking into song.

_**Hey/Slow it down  
What do you want from me  
What do you want from me**_

Yeah/I'm afraid  
What do you want from me  
What do you want from me

There might have been a time  
When I would give myself away  
Oh once upon a time  
I didn't give a damn

But now  
Here we are

Todd moved John to the ground as he knelt next to his ally. He didn't seem to be angry, but his eyes were filled with pain and sadness. Standing up, the wraith/human walked a few steps away, his back turned to John.

_**So what do you want from me**_

Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up  
Need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey  
What do you want from me  
What do you want from me

Yeah/ It's plain to see  
That baby you are beautiful  
There's nothing wrong with you  
(nothing wrong with you)  
It's me  
I'm a freak

But thanks for loving me  
'Cause your doing it perfectly

John looked guiltily away before standing up. Taking off his coat, he started walking towards Todd, pure intent layed out on his face.

_**Yeah, there might have been a time  
When i would just let you slip away  
I wouldn't even try  
But I think you could save my life**_

Just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up  
Need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey  
What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

No, I won't let you down

So,just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up  
Need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey  
What do you want from me

John reached Todd's back and began to tie his jacket around Todd's waist and turned around to face the sink, not wanting to meet the wraith's accusing eyes.

_**So,just don't give up  
I'm workin' it out  
Please don't give in  
I won't let you down  
It messed me up  
Need a second to breathe  
Just keep coming around  
Hey**_

What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

What do you want from me  
(What do you want from me)

As Todd came to a silence, John watched him, silently pondering what they were supposed to do. Walking to the door, he propped it open, intending to guard the wraith/human as they walked to his room to get him fresh clothes.

When Todd didn't even move, John moved closer, only to jump in surprise as he suddenly collapsed to the ground, screaming in pure agony, the stone unknowingly rolling out into the hallway.

"Todd!" John shouted, setting next to his ally. He heard footsteps quickly make their way down the hallway.

**Author's Note: Oookay, there's your cliffy for today. I dunno if we should **_**kill**_** Todd off or not… (inner mind: Argh, you blasphemer!) Well, don't forget to review!**

**Takato: This is one of my favorite chapters by LordChaos, only because of the song though!**


	7. The Voice

**Under The Influence**

**Author's Notes: ****Hello, this is just a fun story that a friend of mine, and I of course, wrote together. His name on here is LordChaos666, check him out. Anyway, this is not meant to be serious, just something to bring a little fun into your day.**

**This chapter though is more serious, just because of who the character is.**

**Disclaimer: ****NOT OURS! All characters belong to MGM Studios, and the song belongs to Celtic Woman.**

**Song: The Voice by Celtic Woman (Link: Erase spaces. http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = a_o T u 7 c 3 b M w)**

**Victim: Teyla Emmagan (Hoped I spelled it right)**

**Chapter Seven**

Teyla walked down the halls of Atlantis, engrossed in the small object in her hands. It was a beautiful black stone, with elegant engravings around its middle. She decided that she'd have to ask one of the scientists to translate it for her.

"Teyla, love, how are you today?" Carson Beckett announced as he came up behind the Athosian. Teyla smiled at the doctor and paused, waiting for him to catch up.

"I'm fine Carson, and how are you?"

"I'm just fine love, maybe a little creeped out by all the singing, but fine nonetheless." Carson reassured her. "What's that you got in your hand?"

"It's a stone I found in the hallway, on my way to speak to John. Isn't it lovely?" Teyla held out the stone for him to inspect.

"Oh my, that is lovely." The intercom interrupted anything else the doctor might have said.

"Dr. Beckett to the infirmary." Chuck's voice called out. Carson turned to the woman next to him, ready to tell her good-bye, only to find her clutching her head.

"Teyla, are you alright?" Carson groaned as music began to play and Teyla stood up straight. This was becoming too familiar.

"I hear your voice on the wind  
And I hear you call out my name

I am the voice of your history  
Be not afraid, come follow me  
Answer my call, and I'll set you free"

I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain  
I am the voice of your hunger and pain  
I am the voice that always is calling you  
I am the voice, I will remain"

Teyla moved down the hall, spreading her arms, and singing to anyone who passed her. Carson tried to steer her towards the infirmary.

"I am the voice in the fields when the summer's gone  
The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow  
Ne'er do I sleep thoughout all the cold winter long  
I am the force that in springtime will grow

I am the voice of the past that will always be  
Filled with my sorrow and blood in my fields  
I am the voice of the future, bring me your peace  
Bring me your peace, and my wounds, they will heal"

Somehow instead of the infirmary, Teyla ended up in the control room, moving around all the equipment and leaning off the rails, stopping halfway down the stairs. Her voice echoed off the walls of the control room, giving the room a serene feeling. No one spoke, no one moved. All they did was look at the woman before them.

As the words were echoed and bounced from the walls and floor, it magnified and sounded like numerous voices. The members of the expedition believed that they were hearing the voices of all the Ancients who had inhabited the great city; the ones who still affected their lives even after ten thousand years.

"I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain  
I am the voice of your hunger and pain  
I am the voice that always is calling you  
I am the voice

I am the voice of the past that will always be  
I am the voice of your hunger and pain  
I am the voice of the future  
I am the voice, I am the voice  
I am the voice, I am the voice"

As Teyla came back to her senses, she fell quiet, watching as everyone's eyes were still fixed on her. Carson came up beside her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Let's go to the infirmary and let me have a look at ye, I was on my way anyway." Teyla nodded and allowed Carson to lead her away. Later, witnesses would swear that they had seen Ancients circling the gate room, singing the song that meant so much for everyone.

* * *

**Author's Notes: Sorry this isn't as funny as the others, but, I love Teyla too much. Anyway, I have an important issue that I'd like to address, PLEASE REVIEW! We have no idea how good we're doing. For all we know, this thing could suck and no one has the guts to tell us! I hope that's not the case, but still. I wonder if you can guess who's next on the list of singers?**


	8. The Scotsman

**Under the Influence**

**Author's Note: Sorry this is so late, but real life has been interfering tremendously what with spring break, state testing, a wedding, and family stuff. Reviews are our life's blood!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Stargate Atlantis, or this song. MGM and Dr. Demento do respectively.**

**Song: The Scotsman by: Dr. Demento. (Sorry, no link this time)**

**Victim: Carson Beckett, only because this song is prefect.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

"Beckett, I only have one question. What the hell happened?" John Sheppard demanded as he pointed towards the Todd the human lying in a bed in the infirmary.

"I don't know John; the only thing I do know is that he is one hundred percent human." The Scotsman told the lieutenant calmly. "Perhaps it has something to do with this stone?" The doctor brought the stone out of his pocket and held it up for the Colonel to see. John instinctively backed away from it.

"Uh, Carson, how long have you held onto that thing?" John asked nervously, glancing around him at the other faces. Teyla and Todd both looked interested in the answer as well.

"Only a couple of minute's colonel, looking at the other victims, it takes about five minutes for the effects to show." Carson answered smoothly, replacing the stone in his pocket. About that time, Mitchell, Carter, Jackson, Ronon, and Rodney walked in.

"Please tell me you've finally found that damn stone." Mitchell said as he walked up to the duo.

"Aye we have." Carson nodded, pulling out the stone once again. Mitchell reached for it, but Carson moved it out of his reach.

"I'd rather not have anyone else touch this until I can get it properly analyzed." Mitchell nodded in defeat and turned his attention back to John, not noticing the slight wince the good doctor had.

"I want that stone quarantined away from any more personnel." The Earth man told his Atlantis counterpart. "Then I want—"

"_Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair  
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share  
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet  
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street  
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh  
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street"_

Rodney groaned as the music began to play, and Carson began to sing. The doctor started to dance a Scottish jig as he kept singing, all around the Stargate Program personnel.

"_About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by  
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye  
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built  
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt  
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh  
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt_

_They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be  
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see  
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt  
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth  
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh  
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth_

_They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone  
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along  
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow  
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show  
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh  
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show"_

The Scottish man ditched his lab coat, instead grapping a nearby towel, and proceeding to wear it like a badly made kilt. John, who knew how the song ended, widened his eyes in terror and quietly walked behind Beckett.

"_Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree  
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees  
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.  
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize  
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh  
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize"_

Just as John feared, Carson tried to re-enact the song. Lunging on the doctor, the air force Colonel managed to stop him, tackling them both to the ground. After a moment, Carson groaned.

"Tell me I didn't do what I think I just did." Carson pleaded. Rodney scoffed.

"If you mean trying to show us little Carson, no, you didn't." Rodney replied, and Carson breathed a sigh of relief. In the meantime, Mitchell walked over and grabbed Carson's white coat. After fishing around in the pockets, he pulled out the stone.

"I am personally going to make sure that this gets to the labs, now." No argued with that. As he walked out, he heard Teyla ask a question.

"What is a kilt, and what don't they wear beneath them?"

* * *

**End Notes: Thanks for reading, and can you guess who the next victim is? Heeheehee hahahah (insert evil laugh here)**


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